OMG i had the wrong word in the title it's Expression not depression-got my two threads mixed up :-/ sorry



due to my "father's" emotional abuse? ? ? ?.please no



for the life of me i absolutly CANNOT express myself out loud-i just can't seem to do it, if i am with a guy i can't tell him how much i care for him or that i am there for him if he ever needs me, i can't tell family members that i love them, i can't tell friends how much they mean to me......

the only way i can get anything out is through my writing, which i am overly greatfull for BUT i cannot go thru life writing poems and letters to everyone inorder to express my feelings for them

i honestly have no idea why i am this way......but i always have been

part of me wants to say that it has something to do w/ my past-my "father's" emotional abuse and criticisms, but God i hate to think that i am any certain way due to him, i hate to even think that i have allowed him to affect me in anyway.......

idk i just needed to get that out b/c lately there's a lot that i have been holding inside that i just really wish i could get it all out to the people that i need to.

Well, you can start by getting it out here. I will listen, and others wil listen too. You are in a safe place here, where you can get out whatever you want. It is a start, then maybe you can talk to hye people who have hurt you. And if yu cannot, at least it al is not a terrible burden you have to carry on your own!

I hope you post more, I would like to know what you are dealing with!

Love,
Dara

Oh, and by the way, I am in the same situation as you are. Verbalizing my feelings is almost impossible for me, but I can write them. I have given my husband letters when  have had to tell him serious things about my past, and it has helped us talk a bit more. I still shut down when I have to express myself to others. It is hard work, and most people do not understand that we simply CANNOT talk about emotions, about how we feel...Most of the stuff I write about here I could NEVER say!
You are not alone, please know that!
Love,
Dara

thank you

--and sorry about the title of my thread-i had it wrong at first  :-X

it's weird b/c....like idk-i mean when i am w/ a guy i don't want to have to write him letters to say how i feel, especially if we are friends and i want to tell him my true feelings you know-i can understand a husband and wife doing that b/c you are comfortable w/ eachother....idk i just hate to do that-i just want to be able to go up to someone and just say how i feel and have it come out right w/o me stumbling over my words...and hell that's what happens after i think about saying it for like 6 months
seriously i will sit and think about what i am going to say all the time.....but i will never actually come out and say it.......my mind goes 1000000000 miles a minute but i remain silent....i hate this

and my biggest fear is that it's b/c of my "father's" emotional abuse.....idk if it is.....but i can't think of any other reason why i am like this-i mean i can't even tell things to my parents-they know nothing about me what so ever b/c i can't tell them-it's like i am just not comfortable and afraid of people's reactions to how i feel -ok that, is a huge part-i am afraid of how people will react to how i feel, b/c people have this image of me that i am strong and tough-idk why they just do-and i feel weird showin how emotional and sensative i am....and i am very self-conscious.......

i just wish i could speak the way i write-if i had to give up my writing to be able to speak the way i write-i'd do it in a heart beat no questions asked