I hate the realization of truth
to realize the pain still exsists  
not nearly as visible to me  
but still very much painful  
like tiny little slivers  
buried deep in my soul  
each night my darkness rarely sleeps
my memories sadly for keeps
dark spots of my soul
manifest themselves
but there is always  
Time to heal!
time to try and escape..  
There comes a time where
running away gets so tiring..
I always fall to my knees and through the tears of the tortured mirror
opaque
to some
translucent to me
sometimes I can't help but see
I face my truths
but God help me to understand..
how something so horrible  
could happen It was so unplanned  
The sexual assualt that tried to rip away my dignity  
my tattered self worth
DESTROYED  
and my once growing trust
SHATTERED  
this man should have never touched me!  
God I wanted and needed love so much  
This guy stood before me his charm dripping  
through each vein  
How was I to know he was insane?  
It began with praising  
and reassurance  
He told me I was beautiful
I surrendered to this addiction  
Inside I was dying!  
what else did I have to lose?  
Time to heal!  
I thought he would make it all go away...
Dear God he didn't  
I lost my family!
my ties were broken  
And the guy who claimed to love me was slipping away.. the ends of the illusion were near...
He was controlling and hurtful  
Not at all like the guy I first meant..
what you see is not always what you get...  
I love yous were few and scarce  
There were no more time for hugs  
and no kisses to heal my pain  
I felt alone and empty inside  
Time to heal!  
Maybe this "other guy" would understand?  
I looked away for a second  
and all I felt was a sense of tremendous loss  
and then I looked at him with tears in my eyes  
wondering if he could hear my silent cries?  
I began searching his eyes  
would he feel and mend the aching in my heart  
Time to heal!  
no better place to start  
He wiped away my tears  
and told me to stay  
that all the pain he would help to just melt away  
He kissed my lips  
and caressed me with his fingertips  
That was all it took  
like a fish I was baited on a hook  
Time to heal!  
For that moment I felt loved and anew again  
I was glowing like the angel he told me I was...
without my wings I was unable to fly...
a wounded angel left only to cry....  
he wanted to wake up to this dying angel in the morning  sunlight that I prayed would bring warmth
never came..
The next morning I awoke he was gone!  
The ending to a beautiful song!  
I would soon realize what happened was all wrong  
Then a phone call came and I felt so sick  
something so beautiful ended so quick  
A knife had been shoved in my heart  
I reached up and felt something warm  
was it blood?  
or hot angry tears?  
I slumped to the ground  
NO this couldn't have happened
exposed to yet another fear
another fallen tear
left alone
AGAIN..
NO it wasn't sopose to feel this way
You said you wanted me to stay
You promised me it would all be ok..
why the hell did you just walk away??  
Leaving me with nothing but silence and a decayed broken heart....
So much for me being smart huh??  
How the hell can time heal this...
I didn't want to hurt  you  
by pushing you away!  
I wanted love you told me to you would stay...
never leave
yet you are gone
and memories of your lie remain
what can you gain from misery  
of an already dying soul
You have the answers I want to know....  
I was uncomfortable and I told  you this!  
Everything will be ok is all  you said
how the f*ck did you get in my head..
what made me lie next to you on your bed...  
between the kisses!  
I closed my eyes
my only chance
you had me where you wanted me
and you made your stance...
I lied back  
continued to stay!  
You played the game
I was the pawn
what you did was so f*ucking wrong!
no more reflecting back  
I stormed out the door and got in my car  
I know half a tank of gas  
would hardly last  
I know also I couldn't walk that fast
how fast can you run
when your feet feel like lead
falling off the earth seemed so perfect too me  
I sat inside my and watched it snow
as it beaded off my window  
where was I to go  
frozen tears as frozen as my heart  
fell after the heartbroken spell...
I started the car and sped away  
I knew I was a survivor!  
so why was I running away?  
Noone would understand!  
That this was unplanned  
Betrayal and lies  
determined to leave them behind...  
For if only a brief moment I could be blind
to the pain and inferno in my heart  
or the ice in my soul  
Driving away would not be that simple  
Time to Heal!  
Noone would understand!  
So I buried it away  
yet it was so fresh in my mind
a painful wound
I never wanted to find again  
how could I be so blind?  
I know now I was still not ok  
about what had happened  
I tried to pretend  
as I usually do  
I knew what everyone would think..  
NOTHING more than a dirty slut!  
I let myself be used and for what?  
If I told them it was for a piece of love  
they would have laughed in my face  
Being laughed at is such a disgrace  
I was so needy and desperate  
No strength was left inside  
I was taken..  
all my feelings and pain  
I just wanted to hide!  
sooner or later it would all seep out..
so here I am. Where the f*ck are you
to heal all this pain you put me through

Chrissy M. Pierce