Environment setting = urban inner city suburb
I have a problem with my partner. We usually get along great however lately there have been various stresses that are undefined. When we get into small arguments and tense envirnoments for no real reasons she wants to go outside for a walk by herself. I am stressed and worried that it not only is unsafe but its unfair and the relationship resolution won't be fixed by her going on a small walk late at night which angers me.
I don't mind if she went on a walk any othertime then late at night if we are ever in a tense situation. We usually don't argue, I'm extremely open minded at most times and usually we argue about politics or science rather then wasteful things such as the place is a mess.
Can someone explain why she feels the need to abandon the space and go out for a walk, i am stressed and it has inflicted self tensions of their own. Last occurance she didn't go and we communicated which was great but not all tensions were cleared. Everything is usually ok,
I just get upset with her for smoking & minor things but I try not to damage the stability I just suttely give expressions to the dislike.

Is walking outside by herself late at night a type of escapism?
Is it fair? -- why doesn't she invite me.. does she really need to be alone?
I don't mind that aspect but the fact that she wants to leave at odd hours for a walk after a small argument concerns me. From my experience people who get into serious arguments tend to walk out, her excuse is the universe & she enjoys the night (i guess not with me). The walks usually last 10-15,20 minutes max its only happened once and 2 threats.
Any ideas? thanks... it hurts when a loved one acts this way.

ps; last few days her moodswings have increased and slight weirdness in disconnecting behaviour. The only drugs she consumes are nictoine from smoking & caffeine, no others. She claims she loves me and everything is fine, I sometimes cause pressures. Worse thing i've said to date was that she was crazy & insane and i repented later. she's quite intelligent just this weirdness has been slightly worrying on walking out late night.

* if the above quote belongs in psychology then be my guest to move it  ;)

Going on walks by oneself during the night, wanting to be alone occasionally could be me... i enjoy my every day dose of good solitude.. to think  -  deep -  and wonder and just stroll along by myself..

You can view it as buying your own space.... some space in your - own - time, some space you need for yourself  for once, breaking away, saying 'hello' to yourself and your musings, wonderings, dreams or stillness.. not meaning to hurt anyone around you.
It is also true that this behaviour is also of a certain 'self-comfort'.....  sometimes people who behave this way don't mean to do wrong or be in the wrong, perhaps they are innerly conflicted.. perhaps they don't really know what's wrong with them, or with their feelings, (if they even assume that something is wrong with them and not with the crazy world around them, which truly can be crazy)

If it is worrying you it is best to talk to her about it... that you're worried... or concerned...
If she doesn't really respond to that you'll have to ask her direct questions..

Do you need space?
Is there something in your life that is bothering you?
Is there something you would like to talk about...   about us?

Do you need some time to think about us,
Is there something you would like me to know?

Do you just want to be alone and rather not talk with me?
Is everything alright with us?

If you want for the relationship to stay intact you will have to bear in mind that communication is necessary, and even if it seems to be really tiring on you, you will always have to be considerate, who knows what's going on, be it rational explicable or irractional..
Just bear in mind that you love her.. and that you want the both of you to be together and have a healthy relationship....
Perhaps you should make it clear that you want to be together, and you want to communicate, and you wonder if there is anything that you ought to know..

I hope any of my advice can help...
If you have any further questions just ask

Hi noco,

I agree with Franziska about the real need to chat in a sensitive way, ie., gentle and persuasive, because there may be something really significant in this behaviour.
And yet, you say she has only walked out once and threatened twice. It may just be temporary, and blow over without clarification.
Just give her some time and room; let her know in a simple, rather than protracted 'essay' type statement, that you have noticed the behaviour, that you are concerned and that you only raise the point because of your love and caring for your partner.
Finally, what caused you to tell her she was crazy and insane? Are there some other symptoms [I am thinking of her health rather than feelings here].
I am no expert but give my thoughts based on my own experiences.
Best regards, Bill - and good luck in resolving this situation.

Thanks for the insight on possible reasons to why she has decided to go on these walks. A form of escape into self-comfort seems the most probable. I guess some people like herself really need those feelings. I for one was an 'only child' and being alone is not such a luxury, most of the time away from friends, school family in my own space was alone so this necessity is a lot less needy for me. I like the fact of being always together, her presence never disturbs me unless its a bad habbit but nothing serious.

I did communicate during this frustration, well in honesty the time she did walk out was when I remained quite, I guess that hurt her and she left. I'm a very easy, self-aggressive (meaning any forms of extreme anger or angression I will inflict only upon myself and no other), quiet and don't like to be in restless conflicts. I don't like playing emotional games either, but I guess one of my weakpoints is being quiet during a volatile evening.

QUOTE

sometimes people who behave this way don't mean to do wrong or be in the wrong, perhaps they are innerly conflicted.. perhaps they don't really know what's wrong with them, or with their feelings, (if they even assume that something is wrong with them andnot with the crazy world around them, which truly can be crazy)

She has explained it's not me, that she has the need.
I am usually very understanding but perhaps you are right. I'm not used to leaving out, the visual I have of that is when people are very mad with each other like parents then that would only happen. She enjoys the stars and universe. I really don't mind her leaving anytime but late at night worries me, in the end I guess that's what she seeks.

QUOTE

And yet, you say she has only walked out once and threatened twice. It may just be temporary, and blow over without clarification.   Just give her some time and room; let her know in a simple, rather than protracted 'essay' type statement, that you have noticed the behaviour, that you are concerned and that you only raise the point because of your love and caring for your partner.

I guess that's the best thing I can do, I let her walk last time it wasn't that late but It still felt wierd and perhaps she really did need it. Atleast this time I felt secure with the concept as we weren't in the middle of an argument.

QUOTE

Finally, what caused you to tell her she was crazy and insane? Are there some other symptoms [I am thinking of her health rather than feelings here].  I am no expert but give my thoughts based on my own experiences.

She likes to go outside for very strange reasons when its 5deg outside. She's originally from a more remote natural environment, where I can see the beauty of going out (not saying she's a hill billy) quite normal just lacks the metro mindset I'm so familiar with most of the time. In the city I don't think people go out much at all by themselves during obscure hours, I explained that trend and she agreed however still had the urge to go outside. She enjoys looking up at the sky a lot too and since Mars is closer then ever might be a good excuse. I think you have a point though that this is temporary and won't be established often once it blows over. Ofcoarse I love my partner and am deeply concerned, I repent my statements to her but trully at the time thought her decisiveness was out of this world. She just couldn't comprehend how leaving during that time would have hurt me. I believe she's mentally healthy, I now wish I never disturbed her like that.. there's nothing worse then thinking of a pathology rather then having one. This was probably a defensive quote on my part and an exposure to an environment I most fear 'walking out' during arguments which I actually remaind silent just a strange tension from an argument had made the air stale.

Noco, some people need to WALK and to MOVE in order to process thought and emotion. From what you are describing your girlfriend is not "walking out" or "escaping" but trying to center herself.
This will appear strange if your neurology functions differently but it is not pathological. You can find out more about this phenomena in research on kinesology and neuropsychology. I will try to find some literature in English and post it, ok?
If you are trying to label her behaviour as good/bad, sane/insane, you will for sure create separation and defense, and you will reinforce the habit. Try to forget about your models of "healthy" or "insane" behaviour and find out what her nightly walks mean to her, how she feels before and after, physically, emotionally, mentally. Once you acknowledge the meaning and the importance of her behaviour - even if you do not fully understand it - you can go and find out together if she can moderate her behaviour in a way that is less threatening to you and more safe for herself.
LOVE
PJ