hello all.

i suggested this board to Shawn because i know from experience, that drug abuse is a subject that people just need to discuss sometimes.  here's my story...

when i was growing up, my parents were all about being anti-drug...it was beat into my head from a very young age...drugs kill people.  i was terrified.  when i got up into high school, all of my friends started smoking pot...and popping prescription meds, and i couldn't fathom how they could take such a chance...
the summer before i went to college...i went through some very trying times...when i got to school...i found myself so depressed...i couldnt even get out of bed...i didnt know how to deal with the thoughts and feelings in my head.  i met some friends...they were party kids...ravers...i like to dance alot...so i started going to these raves with them on the weekends.  i would see all these people just...on drugs...completely f*cked up.  at first it freaked me out...but then i got curious.  i tried ecstasy one night.  its was the best feeling i'd ever had in my life.  that began the downward spiral.  soon after that, i was doing meth, LSD, GHB, cocaine, Special K...all of these designer drugs...because they detached me from reality.  but it was becoming a problem.  i dropped out of school...i was spending all of my money on drugs...borrowing more off of my parents...buying drugs with it...i had to eat a handful of barbituates to fall asleep...and wake up with a shot of meth or a line of coke...i stopped eating.  i lost 30 lbs.  i was going insane.  the rational part of my mind was leaving me.  i started doing alot of acid.  now LSD is kind of amazing, because it can make you think that you are the smartest person alive.  i was dropping 12-15 hits about every 2 days...i started thinking i was psychic.  i was going out in public, completely insane.  my best friend came over to my apartment one day, after she hadn't seen me in a week and a half.  she started crying and was like..."look at yourself...you're a f*cking junkie..."  and i was.  i looked so strung out.  i was always depressed...and i knew that it had to stop...or i was going to die.  i cant do things in moderation.  i dont know when to stop.  she had to tell me...but i knew she was right.  i broke down after that.  i went through a few months of serious depression when i finally just quit.  i had to stay away from all of my friends...because they were drug friends...and some of them had become genuine to me.  i was a wreck for awhile.  i kept thinking about buying a "dub"...thinking just a little bit would be ok.  i thought about checking myself into rehab.  but i KNEW that if i just TRIED...i could do it by myself.  and i did.  now, here it is...4 years later.  i'm healthy.  i'm happy.  i'm clean for the most part.  i wont lie.  i still smoke a bowl or two a day.  but no hard drugs.  they are so bad for your head.  

anyway...i just wanted to talk about myself for a minute...

anyone else?

--ash

i don't think smoking a bowl or 2 a day of weed is a sign of being happy or healthy.

well...to each his own...i feel that that is so much better than the way i used to live my life...im happy...

Dope fiend 8)

Well, if you are happy, then you know best! When I was in High School, I must admit I was quite the pot head myself! EVERY DAY, several times a day, at school, at work and home, i was smoking pot. I had to in order to make it through my family life. Now that I am out of my parents rule, I am not into drugs anymore. I do smoke on occasion, maybe once every few years, but that is all. To each his own, yeah, I like that!

Love,
Dara

I have great respect for people who are prepared to write down publicly their experience of taking drugs, or of how illnesses can affect lives.

It is not easy, and most folks just keep it to themselves.

Airing of experiences allows others who perhaps do not think as clearly, to reconsider their actions. Is it time for a change?

The significant thing is that these particular drugs, whilst covering up a current stressful situation, actually add to the stresses of the body and mind!

Everyone should review their intake regularly and reconsider their dosage. It is the individual that chooses, and while others may advise, the individual is responsible for their own body.

My 'weaknesses' are smoking and alcohol. I am not in control of my cigs, but am in control of alcohol - I limit it to one drink at a time! [no, seriously, I have just stopped alll acohol, withoot ne fx].
All the best, Bill.

i don't know why i am actually writing this bc i know the responses i'm going to get (its unhealthy.. illegal.. addictive..etc) but something is just driving me to...

i have recently found a "new friend" people call her tina.. i know all of the background on it.. and personally before i tried it.. my mind set was that it was the worst thing in the world and i would NEVER do that ... (huh, never say never) but now that ive actually tried it.. i see no negative effects.. i don't drink anymore (which was just making my memory shot out.. hangovers making me miss work and classes..) i dont' do anything else.. but this "new friend" has made me complete my homework, get sh*t done, and want to take the initiative to become smarter.. thats why i am on the computer.. i was reading up on phychology and the brain and stumbled upon this website... but i guess my major inquiries are these..
1. i don't want to become a " shot out junkie" ("nobody ever said they want to become a junkie.". ha) and i know when to talk to tina and when not to..
2. i don't want to not talk to tina.. but i don't want tina to control my life either.. and how could i detect her being incontrol?

and to be honest- i'm not looking for responses of redicule bc that will just make me not want to talk on here...

Hello reagan,

You have written your words because you want to be in control of your life.
Conratulations!
If anybody ridicules you, don't be upset. We all have different perspectives on what's right and wrong. Read it all, think about it, seek more advice or experiences from others, but above all else make up your own mind!
If you feel unable to decide, then you need someone you can really, really trust, because then they are going to decide your way forward.
I can't advise you on what to do about 'tina' - I have not taken any drugs bar alcohol and fags, [and can't get off the fags].
You will read articles in these forums about the seeking of different states of conciousness by taking drugs. Do not confuse these with other people who are 'trying to get away from something'. In those circumstances, and particularly if they are long-standing problems, it may be better to seek medical help and try for a cure rather than a crutch.
I hope you get some more pertinent answers than my 'general' statements.

Best regards, Bill.

I believe everyone of sound mind has the inherent right to decide, responsibly, whether to use pharmacological methods to enhance their productivity and mindstate. I would only emphasize responsible use, and also, be very wary of dependence (i.e., psychological and/or physiological dependence). Once this dependence sets in, it becomes possible to rationalize just about anything for the purposes of maintaining said dependence. You need to remain objective, and to be aware of the fact that your rationalizations may be counter-productive and self-destructive, though of course, they'll never present themselves that way.

thanks for the responses..
as far as find a person i could really really trust to talk to my best friend also knows "tina" .. she met "tina" when i did.. i know myself.. and i know her too.. and i am worried that she would become dependent on it before i would.. i don't do it just for the hell of it.. or just because its there.. i know theres always ways of getting it.... but she'll do it just because its right in front of her... i'm trying to keep her straight and rationalize with her that just bc its there we don't have to do it .. especially if there's nothing to do that night and the next day is buisy for us (once off of it.. she'll be tired as hell and get nothing accomplished)
i would like to think of myself as an "overcomer of obsticals" when it comes to tangible things.. (as opposed to emotions) but i also know that no one intends to become reliant on anything.. thats just what i'm worried about.. i will constantly look at the ends and outs of things and once i feel its out of control or someone makes neg changes apparent to me.. then i will..."drop it like its hot"