I been married for 13 years. I have 4 beautiful kids. We had great decent life for the past 9 years. Busy with life busy with the kids, and try to have some fun while we are raising them.

Last year my wife developed interest in Anime movies, she went over the net to file sharing sites to download rare and interesting anime. While acquiring her movies she established a number of hub owners and became very good "friends' over the net. Her net addiction became so sever she went on self dicovery over the last 4 month while the kids were sent to their rooms at all times. Their schooling degraded, their behaviour worsened and thier life was kaos. She claims that she took time to discover herself and neglected the kids. Since I am on the road every week, I had to sub on the weekends. I tried to understand her journey and be supportive until I realized what common about her frineds. Piraing movies and music, all host hubs for sharing, has no interest in self discovery.

Her life revolve around chat which has nothing to do with self discovery, it all about the hub problems while our kids being negelected. I asked her to get professional help which she refused. Her addiction is getting worse even though I stoped her from pirating. Her attitude toward the kids is strange. She will rather talk to her friends about the hubs problems than talking to kids for five minutes.

I want to support her if she is doing self discovery, yet she is very upset at all times which reflecting on the kids life.

Has anyone been in this situation before?

Thank you...

hi kewl-world,

there's an internet addiction thread at http://brainmeta.com/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.pl...;num=1043600349 though you probably want more than this.  The best thing for your wife, if it really is internet addiction, is abstinence.  How is she accessing the internet?  Or, in other words, do you have control over her method of access?  Is so, then exert your control to prevent her accessing the internet.  Before doing this, explain to her why you're doing it and also emphasize that it's just a temporary action and that you're doing it in her best interest (and the kids' best interest).  Abstinence is the only way to deal with a flat-out internet addiction.  There's no reasoning with the internet addict.  You must assume responsibility for removing your wife's access to her addiction, otherwise she'll stay addicted.  Internet addictions, like all addictions, are a positive feedback loop, only getting worse with time.  Hence, you must pull the plug on her addiction.

Good luck.

Shawn  

hello everyone,

ok, I know everyone who loves the internet will probably shudder when they read thru what I posted above.  But, before you judge me too harsh, please bear in mind kewl-world's situation.  This is no joke, particularly when there are kids involved, and in my opinion, should be dealt with very seriously and strictly.   However, I'm not saying that everyone who loves the internet (I being one of them) is an internet addict and should not be allowed access to the internet.  In fact, internet addiction, like other addictions, can sometimes be 'ok', but when they start hurting other people, particularly our loved ones, then actions must be taken, either by oneself or by others, to alleviate the addiction.

My name is Dara, and I am an internet adict... ;D ;D ;D

I know of a few more people here at this site who are also internet adicts, I wonder if they will step foward?

Shawn, I agree that there is a fine line where the internet addiction, like ANY addiction, can be disruptive in ones life. Lucky for me, I can manage my internet time and still take care of my family and work! Thank goodness, I got enough problems getting in my way. Actualy, I find this site to be quite theraputic! Thanks for this site Shawn! I love it here!

Alles gute, Dara

Hello All,
I want to thank you all for your honost and candid responses. I am going to try to talk tomy wife about the issues openely and honostly. I want to give her the chance to solve this problem. She is very intelligent woman, and I believe in her. I know she will value her children and her merriage over anything else at least at this time when the children needs her the most. She took care of us for 10 years, so she did it before. I will keep you updated about our progress and thank you all for the heart worming welcome. I love you all.

I hope it all works out for yo and your wife. It must be hard to have this internet thing inbetween the two of you. Just, persist and let her know how much you and the kids need her, hopfully she will understand!

Keep us posted!

Love, Dara

Hello Dara,
I hope and pray it will work. However, I have doubts about that. We do need her because we all love her. When she talks to us she speaks philosophy about her journey of finding her self. The fact she misses her teenage days and trying to substitute. I am not very well informed about philosophy, however I know what I see. I hope one day she will come back to her family before it is too late. This is lifeand we have to deal with the cards we been dealt.

Now, I need to help the kids adjust to the new reality when their MOM is finding her self.

As usual, I will keep you all updated. Please enjoy life and pray for us.  I love you all.

Update,
Shawn recommendation was the correct course of action all along. However, I used the rest of the suggestions to give my wife the opportunity to help herself from this addiction. Sometimes phunny events happens in the worst situations. Now she is using email as chat. She login and out email every few moments. The addiction will continue as we all expected.

as usual will update you soon.
Love you all.

I have an idea for you
if you have a computer to use besides the one at your
than you can like download alot of stuff for "WORK" and so it will go slower then you can have the excuse of getting it wiped out
or you can accidently break the computer or delete the internet

~Manda~

Manda,
This was very creative. I try to true with everything I do. I am talking to her about the situation and the ramification of net addiction. She is pressured to lie to deny her addiction. I like to elevate that pressure so she can admit it and try to get help.

On the other hand, I provide her with all the material things...car and money and she can always go to the library and use a computer.

The problem seems to be deeper than just addiction. In the past she always found a way to escape from reality and get in trouble if I may say that. She lost all the warm feelings toward her family. The addiction is the result.

The reason is very complex to deal with. and this is what I am dealing with at this time.

As usual I will keep you updated. I have to get back to work. I love you all and have great week.

maybe you're being too sympathetic and protective of your wife.  You need to confront her, big-time, and let it all out, and let her know exactly what you think of her addiction and why it's unacceptable.    Force her to face reality.  It's for her own good.