I am sure we have all experienced from time to time, when we are getting acquainted with people, whether it be at school , on the job, or on the street and we just can't seem to connect with someone. I find it difficult to intellectually meet someone on a personal level. Often times they just keep talking and talking and I can't seem to get a word in edge wise. It's like what they are saying is meaningless and a lot of hot air. I must be going thru that phase again where I seem disconnected from people and the ones I connect with, I see very rarely. I guess thats why I come to this site because i have a common bond and interest shared by a group. I'm interested in what you other enlightened people have to say about this!

Lindsey,

It could very well be that you are meeting up with beople who are not intleelctual matches for you. Now, that can be a good reason why ypu can't seem to stay engaged in a conversation with them. I winder who DO you feel like you can be in a conversation with, without loosing yourself. That would be interesting to know.
It could be different interests, different values, ect...I know I cannot stay engaged in a conversation if it is not of interest to me. That dosen't mean I don't talkto the person, but my mind will wander, or I will be thinking other things while I talk.
I wonder if youexperience this "dissociation" of yourself during interactions with all people, or just some people. It would be interesting to know more about what type of percon you can connect with.
I don't think it is osdd what youhave described, as I can relate well to that. Can you provide more info? DOes anyone else have another opinion to add here?

Good topic Lndsey, Hope to hear back from you!
Love, Dara

Thank you Dara! The reason I started this topic was because I find it somewhat difficult to open up to people on a day to day basis. Thus, it's kinda difficult for me to make friends. I end up listening to people go on and on and they walk away feeling better and I exhausted. I am a sophomore in college so it tends to be a bit difficult to find grounded people who dont necessarily party and create some chaos like I used to. The stumper is: do we consciously seek out people like us or do we crave difference maybe? Any ideas??

hi Lindsey,
as a sophomore in college, I'd recommend socializing, in general, with people like you and with similar interests.  Usually, and particularly at large universities, there are programs that will bring together small groups of people with similar interests or that excel academically, thereby making it easier to socialize with the right people.  

I say 'in general' you should socialize with people like you, but of course there are exceptions, and life would be boring indeed if we restricted our circle of friends to people with similar interests as us.  Thus, I think it's a good idea that, for the most part, you associate with people like you, and that if you associate with people different from you, you be careful so as not to fall into the wrong crowd or to come out the worse because of it.

One prominent exception that comes to mind is mate selection.  Would you want to spend the rest of your life with someone just like you?  Probably not!  And so in this area, I think the adage 'opposites attract' is partially valid.  Of course, there must be some commonality in such a relationship, or else there's no basis for understanding each other.  But the type of commonality that's best is difficult to specify, though I can say that it doesn't mean you both have the same interest, but it does mean that you share certain fundamental personality traits and have a way of 'connecting' with each other.  

Anyway, I see I've rambled more than I originally intended and that I probably deviated from the initial questions you were posing.  But I hope something I said helps, nonetheless.

take care,
Shawn

hi Toneta,

I didn't mean to imply that it was necessary to socialize.  I guess 'interact' would've been a better word.  I'm a strong introvert myself, but being one doesn't mean you can't socialize, it just means that your attention is usually within yourself, in your thoughts and such, and not so much on others.  However, it's often to one's advantage to learn and practice some social skills, whether you feel you're a social person or not.  And so, soon after starting grad school, I began developing my social skills more and putting them in practice, not because I love socializing, but because it's to my advantage (and to other people's advantage also) to have social networks.  Up until grad school though, I was about as aloof as they come, because I was centered in my own world and didn't really stray out of it.  

When I was an undergrad, even though I didn't socialize much because I was an introvert and content in my own world of thought, there was something called the dean's scholars program that brought me into contact with other intelligent people, none of which particularly liked to socialize, but this program nonetheless helped create a community and foster the idea that I wasn't completely alone at one of the biggest universities in the U.S.   And that sort of program was what I was thinking for Lindsey, the sort of thing where she doesn't need to socialize, but at least has access to other people with similar interests as her and on her intellectual level.  Anyway, I hope this helps clarify my last post a little.

take care,
Shawn