No matter how bad it hurts inside, the pain is always better than nothing.
You sit there holding your head in your hands, trying to stop the tears you
can feel on your cheeks, telling yourself to grow up, shut up, it doesn't
hurt.
At the same time as you sit there screaming in your mind, telling the
voices and the tears and the pain to leave you alone, you need them.
Because the emptiness that follows is harder to endure than any picture
your twisted mind can conjure up.
So you embrace the pain, sit in the light and wait, as the darkest shadows
wrap around your heart, and no one can understand why you cry.
They push it aside as teenage illusions, hormones, and growing pains, but
you know it's not.
There's no use telling them that though, is there?
Your pain, your darkness, your tears... It all means nothing to them.
Nothing.
They won't understand, because they don't need to.
You sit crying, hurting, dying on the inside, holding yourself together
with a single thought, echoing through your brain; 'it has to get better
eventually.'
That's all that's holding the fragile pieces of your soul together, the
simple message playing within, holding you together with the strength of
chewing gum.
It has to get better eventually.
But will it really? You're constantly stuck between two states; tears,
pain, suicidal fantasy and nails, or the hollow, empty daydream of shadows
which comes when the pain is gone.
Either way, you'd be better off being dead; but the world will simply not
allow it.
But just once you want to let go, to be able to open your eyes properly and
let go of your head, and look up at the stars.
Who cares if you fall apart in the process? You might hurt, you might
bleed, you might cry, but at least you'll always have the stars.
The broken hearts of the empty, shining bright above, so everyone can see
their pain.
And soon yours will join them...
Then everyone who spent so long ignoring you and your pain and your
darkness can sit back and pretend that they understood you all along.
But there was nothing they could do.

I believe we all have our own stars. I know I do. Wonderful read. Welcome to the board.

Rodger