I Just Want Him to Love Me

a tale of two fathers

Howling at the hollow sky above me
Alone and lonely waiting out the night
I only ask of God that he love me
And if he would please would he put things right

Haunted unwanted I wait for good news
With so little warmth and even less light
Drowning in words not knowing what to say
From what they tell me why would he refuse
To hear the cry of one lost lapped by waves?

I feel his presence if from far away
A sailor becalmed too far from the shore
Afraid of night yet more of coming day
With both hands full of emptiness held tight
Alone where it is love alone which saves

Down deep hope flickers if ever less so
Yet deeper still the hope of hope burns bright
Too smudged and smoked and stained to light my way
Drowning in debt which can never be paid

I founder as I flounder here alone
On this rising tide with no place to hide
I was not present when these plans were laid
My past is full of those who loved but died
And of my future nothing can be known

I ask for now not for eternity
But ask and ask God grant what I ask for
In memory of promises once made
I stand like Peter sinking on the sea
I just want him to love me: nothing more

God of my fathers my father is gone
It was your will not his I came to be
Although I fear it: bring me to your dawn
O God if you are there remember me

+Steven Curtis Lance



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