Howdy..What I perceive has happened to me probably has little basis in accepted clinical pathology, but it is my experience and I would like feedback.

I'm a 23 year old male with no psychiatric history. In November I experienced a case of acute laryngitis, probably viral. I also have a 3 or 4 history of HSV (Herpes) Type II infection with some form of neurological involvement, isolated meningitis following the initial outbreak and unyielding but benign muscle fasciculations.

During the laryngitis this winter I began having nonspecific cognitive difficulties, not unlike I guess what accompanies most common colds. I felt like I was thinking through a fog of smoke and haze. My brain felt weird, altered, and I guess the reason I'm here is it has ever since. I had dyslexic like symptoms, word finding difficulties, and memory loss. Beyond this, I had moments of intense restlessness inside my head, I can't exactly paint the picture, but it felt as if an electrical storm was taking place inside my brain. It was mostly focal, localized to the lower medial forehead. With this came a wave of emotional unpleasantness, it was uncomfortable to the point that I had urges to kill myself, thoughts of driving a nail into my brain, anything I could imagine to counteract the sensations and emotions I was experiencing. I understand how strange this sounds, it sounds strange to me too. I sought out treatment with an MD, a brain MRI revealed nothing atypical other than a mucous retention cyst in my sphenoid sinus cavity. Lacking a physical explanation, I did what I thought was most logical and consulted a psychiatrist. I tried my hardest to accept the idea that maybe I was depressed and just didn't exhibit symptoms of it. I wasn't sad or anxious. I tried antidepressants with no relief. Interestingly, I was told I also likely have ADD, and took amphetamine salts, which temporarily help alleviate some of the symptoms. I tried other stimulants and found no other has this effect, except amphetamine. It only works for a few hours, but usually leaves me lower than I had been before. Not entirely unexpected, I figure.

Through my research online, I've read a few abstracts and articles in which research has pointed to common colds and flus damaging critical components of our brains and neurotransmitters, and over time this may have a cumulative effect. I know that's all theoretical, but I did find one article that surfaced above the rest. It was the case study of a young man with sudden onset of cognitive issues and seizure activity. It was found through biopsy, that HSV II had proliferated and invaded his upper CNS where it was active and replicating within one of his brain's temporal lobes without causing the the devastation that the typical full blown syndrome of herpes related encephatlitis would cause. His symptoms improved during the following 2.5 years with acyclovir treatment.

I'm not searching for a physician or a psychologist on this forum. I want to know if anyone here has any text or information regarding common viruses' effects on the CNS. Cognitive, emotional, and executive functions in particular.

Its much more likely to be an onset of some mental disorder than some House M.D. type scenario. I realize that isnt very helpful but it certainly doesnt sound like depression.

Being honest with yourself, would you class yourself as a perfectionist?
Did you previously (or with hindsight) notice that in group tasks you were able to achieve more for longer than your companions?
Were you mostly successful in your achievements?

I need to know these details before I can comment further.

Howdy, I reflected on the question. Being honest with myself and you, I don't feel I am or ever was a perfectionist. I've never been organized or punctual in that sense. I can achieve more than most if I can ever get to a point of getting up and trying, not sure about longer periods of time. I've always been very peculiar I guess. I believe my ways of thinking and analyzing my environment have always been more confounded than that of my peers. That's been with me since birth, however, this has been with me since November.

Lacking any real insight from my physician, I took upon myself to try to be more observant of my symptoms. The best way I can explain it beyond the general dyslexic like symptoms and memory problems is a state of confusion that washes over me in waves like standing in the sand on the edge of the ocean. I feel confused and consumed with intense emotions, rage, hate, and despair. I just hit a wall of emotional unpleasantness that comes passed over me at least one time a day. Physically, my brain doesn't feel ok. I can't say it feels light or heavy, just different, especially at the peak of it all. I'm sorry I can't always precisely recall the nature of the very symptoms that take from my quality of life, or form connections between them and other provoking factors. It's all distressing to me. The suicidal urges, I call them urges because I feel a barely controllable urge to kill myself, rather than a fleeting thought, only seems to occur when the storm in my head and emotions come over me. I can't find a provoking factor and I can't stop it, it lingers for a few hours and then fades. The general cognitive symptoms don't seem to provoke it. The only words I've been able to use is a storm of electricity. It's not painful, just uncomfortable. As this passes, I always feel very tired.

The only thing I've been able to stitch together is the laryngitis because this began in the days that began.

Edited to correct errors and add: I also noticed I have bizarre thoughts when the urges come. Not so much related to suicide, but more random images, things that really defy explanation, some violent, some just downright weird. I said I'm not a perfectionist but it feels like I've edited this ten times to make things right. The first five times because my grammar and spelling lacked a lot, I repeated or left off words, and the other five times to get things said right. I always do that, but not such a perfectionist elsewhere in my life. I can also relate to your tagline really well, rhymer, and I know that my posts come off as semi-intelligent. I use webster to help get my point across.

If your condition is due to brain damage from infection, then we can only hope that your natural healing power will eventually lead to full recovery. I suggest you stay as active as possible, ensure a balanced diet, and use your experiences to develop compassion for others. Love and caring for others is the key to future happiness.

Yes sir. I'd say check and check on that, I cannot say what the cause is, but I'm teaching myself the best methods I can to control things. I'm keeping lists to help me remember through out the day, I haven't given up and fallen into depression I continue to soldier on with work and studies even when I feel so confused that I want to vomit. I push in and press on. When the rage washes over me and I'm near a loved on I've learned to grind my teeth and bite my tongue and be kind to them as long as I can tolerate, long enough for me to excuse myself and leave the room before I start exploding. It doesn't make the rage inside me stop, but it keeps me from complicating things I figure. The one that keeps me on my toes is when the suicidal urges come, I don't know how to deal with them as well as the other. It's all out of character to me. They are groundless when they come and I can't get it go away so it's distressing for me. I've even become more spiritual though all this, so I guess it can't be completely in vein. But it hasn't stopped it, neither has any medication or supplement that I've found yet. Knowing that, I still need help getting to the root of all this however I must, so I can better and figure out what this was all really about.

I would go to a nearby university and have the neuroscientists check you out.

hello again 6shooter,

You are intelligent and a thinker, by my judgement!
And, I believe that means you will beat whatever it is that's bugging you.

The rage 'waves' you experience don't concur with any of my own experiences, but that doesn't surprise me; neurotransmitter aberrations (if they have anything to do with your condition) are different for everyone and affect different centres differently too.

Your suicidal 'thoughts' sound more like an internal drive than a preferred solution you conclude by yourself. This seems different to my own experience. And I might add, I wanted to live (with no ill-health) but preferred to die than continue with what was going on! This is a subtle difference from wanting to die. If these feelings become too great you must see your doctor immediately in my opinion.

Have you read on the web about dissociation or depersonalisation?
A google search will give you many sites, so choose medical-looking places for info.
DO continue your search for information, and follow Ricks admirable advice about keeping up your general health. If it is an infection-caused set of symptoms that will help you to return to normal health ASAP!

Howdy,

Yes sir you betchee I have read up on that. When I talk about my brain feeling altered, it feels as if I'm inside a glass box at times. I can see outward, and see others interacting in the world, but I'm cut off from it in a unexplainable away. I'm so close, and at times I'm normal, and when I'm normal, I feel great. Inside the box, physically, I feel dulled, my vision blurred, sounds are more distant. Emotionally, I am a hand gernade. Suicidally, I figure this would be a chicken and the egg scenario. Is the discomposure from feeling this way leading to my suicidal urge, or does the urge lends itself to this derealization-like state. I can't put my finger on it just yet. I did a search on the forum and concluded that you deal with a depressive state and have been helped by the medications. Correct me if I am wrong. I do understand and appreciate the seriousness of suicide 100%. I also understand that this may not be a pathological medical mysteries scenario, and may really surface as something psychological. Being cut from whatever cloth I'm cut from, I must concede that. I believe that I have come here to gather as much information as I can.

I recently hit upon some new family history. Recently my half-sister, and other relatives from both branches of my family tree back in their heyday, have been diagnosed and treated for schizophrenia. I won't lie, it has got me a little anxious. I would like to learn more about schizophrenia and manic depression here. I read some and I'm also led to figure that every human brain is capable of experiencing some of the symptoms of all psychological diseases under a variety of circumstances. Agreed or disagreed? If that was true, I would deduce that maybe we should focus less on the label, and more on the person's reaction to their symptoms. I guess I have to admit that healthy line of thinking really hasn't made me any less keyed up. I've also read a little about Temporal Lobe Epilepsy, and have found some negligible but still interesting parallels existing between that clinical presentation and some of my symptoms, old and new. I'm reading and listening to every response and further insight is appreciated. I hope I can dig up more.