WHY is it so difficult to find Friends?
I mean REAL friends that you always can talk to....and TRUST.....
I am tired of feeling lonely.
Where can I find REAL friendship?

Lolly

that's depends on things like where you live and work

I live in Boston....
Work as a nurse....

Boston and the whole NorthEast coast are not known for their friendliness

Right...
that is the problem.

Don't you have nurse-friends?

not really.....

I just don't buy your story. You are young and good-lookin, very freindly from the looks of your smiles and you can't make any friends?!!! I had a stint in Boston (work related) two years ago or so, and I gotta disagree with you about the unfriedliness there. Granted I was actually in Ports-Mouth and people were extremely friendly. More so, sometimes than their counterparts here in the heart of Texas, in the middle of the south and its 'southern hospitality' tradition.

Not buying my story,huh?Take it or leave it.

Well....I have no problems to get to know people.BUT...I do have problems to find REAL friend.Not just drinking-buds......

That was me.wasnt logged in.

Whoever said that "real" friends even exist. My last 'real' friend was Jesus Christ. And I never even met the guy. Now that He's dissapointed me too (by way of shining through his absence) I've come to realize that my only true friend is my dog (at least he thinks the world of me). And, as oppossed to my ex-wife, he lets me do all the talking.

Good thought....

Authentic people do exist. Be persistent.

What's your definition of "authentic people". And how can they become your friends unless their idea of "authentic people" is identical to yours? How many true friends in the full sense of the word do you have (have you had ever)? How can you define that relationship as friendship? Like, where are they now? Are they still your friends after the time/distance factor? Wouldn't a true friendship require constant nurishment?

An authentic person is one who is honest with you, not a bullshitter. If you are an authentic person, you will recognize another when you interact with him or her. You don't have to be identical except in an appreciation of honesty. I have had a few true friends. Some I haven't seen in years due to unavoidable separation. I have renewed correspondence with some, and we shall see how much nourishment is required.

Yes, two true friends are like one north and one south pole.

Whenever they are together something difficult to explain inexplicably draws them together.
And yet when separated they do not necessarily miss each other.

Analogies for multiple interacting friends awaits another post!

I'll be your friend Lolly....I've been looking for and need a new friend.

Thanks for your kind reply.
I will send you a pm.

I personally have no idea about what it takes to be a 'friend'. Neither have I had any, nor have I been anyone's friend. The concept itself seems spectacular theoratically, but that 'theory' is what what you get from watching too much TV and reading too much fiction.

I guess that friends, like everything else, is something from the world of 'normal people', good looking, socially skilled people, or thouse who have have some really "good skills". If it works for them, doesn't mean it can work for me. This is the lesson I've learned the hard way; you either live happily as a Steppenwolf, or live like the wandering Jew. As far as I could remember, the happiest times of my life where those where I felt most comfortable being alone. Needless to say, 90% of my time is severe loneliness, but it get's easier with practice, I promise.

Being 'weird' means that you wont even have a girlfriend, which makes it worse. It's all about whether you give in to the truth -that you're a genetic odity- or fight it. both ways may lead to personal growth, and if you've been there, the first one is the easy way: to forget that people had ever existed.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20060623/us_nm/life_friends_dc

Americans' circle of close friends shrinking
By Amanda Beck
Fri Jun 23, 3:04 PM ET

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Americans are more socially isolated than they were 20 years ago, separated by work, commuting and the single life, researchers reported on Friday.

Nearly a quarter of people surveyed said they had "zero" close friends with whom to discuss personal matters. More than 50 percent named two or fewer confidants, most often immediate family members, the researchers said.

"This is a big social change, and it indicates something that's not good for our society," said Duke University Professor Lynn Smith-Lovin, lead author on the study to be published in the American Sociological Review.

Smith-Lovin's group used data from a national survey of 1,500 American adults that has been ongoing since 1972.

She said it indicated people had a surprising drop in the number of close friends since 1985. At that time, Americans most commonly said they had three close friends whom they had known for a long time, saw often, and with whom they shared a number of interests.

They were almost as likely to name four or five friends, and the relationships often sprang from their neighborhoods or communities.

Ties to a close network of friends create a social safety net that is good for society, and for the individual. Research has linked social support and civic participation to a longer life, Smith-Lovin said.

People were not asked why they had fewer intimate ties, but Smith-Lovin said that part of the cause could be that Americans are working more, marrying later, having fewer children, and commuting longer distances.

The data also show the social isolation trend mirrors other class divides: Non-whites and people with less education tend to have smaller social networks than white Americans and the highly educated.

That means that in daily life, personal emergencies and national disasters like Hurricane Katrina, those with the fewest resources also have the fewest personal friends to call for advice and assistance.

"It's one thing to know someone and exchange e-mails with them. It's another thing to say, 'Will you give me a ride out of town with all of my possessions and pets? And can I stay with you for a couple or three months?" Smith-Lovin said.

"Worrying about social isolation is not a matter of nostalgia for a warm and cuddly past. Real things are strongly connected with that," added Harvard University Public Policy Professor Robert Putnam, author of "Bowling Alone," a book on the decline of American community.

He suggested flexible work schedules would allow Americans to tend both personal and professional lives.

....one very important thing that I find extremely dissapointing about 'friends' is when they say that they will do something but eventually never come through....those 'friends' are not friends for very long.

A good starting point here is to ask yourself why you need friends. As all human personalities are different (albeit many are similar) then the needs from friends and what can be offered by friends will differ. There are no hard and fast rules. Sometimes a bit of bullshit can be useful. Absolute honesty is not the be all or end all; indeed sometimes it is absolutely inappropriate. All the easy answers and solutions are usually wrong. People are fallible and an understanding of that will enable friendships that are able to cope with the problems and issues people bring. To be intolerant of this means you will never have friends, or they will not last long, or you are deluding yourself. Friendship is like marriage; you have to constantly work at it, you'll have differences/rows but always try to make up afterwards, respect the other partner for their differences/opinions, and give it a try as you could end up happy some of the time.