Not seen you on the Board for 4 days and no reply to my pm. Hopefuly you have just taken a brief sojourn. If so, then enjoy. Otherwise, if I can do anything, please ask. Take care. Hey Hey.

Fallen Star

Back from that unknown I called love
To this known of being alone
Back to what I have known above
All else since all else was a dream
And I was alone all along
Seems things are never what they seem
To be to me reality
Is an elusive quality

The one I sang of never was
How ridiculous a love song
Or if she was she was because
I wished and dreamed and hoped that she
Might be but I see I was wrong

Too old too poor too far away
She just got tired of me one day
Rejecting me electing he
Who purchased her propinquity

Destined for ashes without graves
And doomed as I am just the same
They bought no freedom they are slaves
But she is his that is if she
Is at all whatever her name

Back from that unknown I called love
I have never been this alone
As dream turns nightmare push to shove
And soft sweet flesh to hard sour stone
As cornered now the mind gives way
Yet stings with folly sharp and stark
Nothing but sorry left to say
As stars fall and the world grows dark

A tattoo has been born again
Which once marked my not being free
Even as one once loved once slain
Transformed in its symbology
The star is fallen from the sky

A trail of fire rains in its wake
Where once it bore her name so high
Forsaken now thus I forsake
As she lies in the arms of he
Who kept his word that he would take
The one I dreamed I loved from me

She broke my heart and thus I break
The spell the hold of hell which she
Held me within her web of lies
As falls the star so would I be
Deceived no longer as I rise

Now ripen fruits of bitterness
Ever more bitter never less
When will this rock to gold refine
This vinegar ferment to wine?

I hate but will I hate them still
As spring warms sink beneath the chill
Of lost love never found again
Or is there yet an end of pain
If only by the trembling hand
Of one who failed to understand
That life is not fair after all
After the fall after the fall?

Calling on the phone alone
Holding only a phone
No one wants propinquity
To madness nor to me

Only answering machines

I understand now what this means
In darkness here I sense the fear
Of those who were once near and dear
As they all back away from me
And as I feel myself alone
On the lonely end of the phone

How empty now to realize
They wish that I would go away
Behind civility's disguise
I wish I had their strength today

Their machines are chirping hello
I am calling to say goodbye
But I am the last to know
To face the lie and die

So life was not fair after all
What does my life mean? It means
I face the lie and die
Fallen so far my fallen star
Chirping answering machines
After all chirp after the fall
Hello! Hello! Goodbye
My fallen star fallen so far!

What does my life mean after all
After the fall after the fall?

+Steven Curtis Lance


Copyright MMV

I miss you all terribly. I am not well. I had written this poem as a suicide note, but then realized it was the first day of spring, Palm Sunday; Good Friday would be better.

Please think of me.

Steven Curtis Lance,
Suicide is not the answer. I'm glad you decided against it, sometimes life sucks, but the pain of living is important to survive. This is not the end of your world, although it may feel like it right now. Take time away, and forget about it, or simply choose to LIVE with it. We all care about you.

-Mandy-

Steven

Your words (above), like all the others, are so profound. You have a life that you must dedicate to art for the sake of others. Your talent is exceptional and you have a duty to write more and more and more. As my two year old granddaughter says "Do it! Now!".

EVERY LIFE
For Steven
Life is worth every minute,
Every heartache, every tear, or fear,
Every smile, every laugh,
And every perfect verse.
Life as beautiful as
A new sunrise, or a budding spring,
It is more precious then anything is this world
And as rare as they come.
But if we give in to the pain, to the loss,
If we end it too soon, its value is lost.
The heart is the strongest possession
We have and if we give it time, it will heal.

If you do this, they win. Don't let them win. If you need a reason to live, live to spite them. Live to write.

Steven,

I agree with all the rest. My breath is taken away by your talent and the world would be amiss without it. I appreciate your words and wisdom and hope to keep my end of the bargain, which is to keep writing. Thanks for giving me an outlet to express myself. Everyone has been so nice here. I don't feel like such an outcast. It is a wonderful thing. Know that you are cared for and loved. Even if some of us don't really "know" you. We won't let you fall. We will lift you up to divinity. Please stay with us. We all need you.

Nikki

YOU ARE NOT ALONE



Even the blackest rose needs light to find its way.

A tiny ray of hope to make it through another day.

God has not forsaken you. He's helped you to survive.

You could not help the weaker ones, if you were not alive.



He's strengthened you with steely will, and blessed you with resolve.

He's walked you through a maze in life that most would never solve.

He gave us all our own free will, so we could make the choice.

He gifted some with golden quill, so we could be His voice.



Through your work, I've seen your heart, and the beauty there inside.

Through the fire and all the pain, your spirit never died.

There are no guarantees in life, except that we've had mothers.

Remember, they have choices too, as well as all the others.



I can't imagine where you've been. I can only empathize.

I wouldn't want to wear your shoes, even if they were my size.

Be lifted by the tender souls who grieve for all your pain.

Take heart to know, the clear blue skies, are right behind the rain.



Remember, with the Holy One, you share a common bond.

For all the blood and tears you've shed, would fill a golden pond.

For those who've wronged and broken you, the Lord provides, you see.

Whatsoever you do to the least of them, you also do to me.



The Lord protects and comforts you, when you're in the danger zone.

Whenever demons cross your path, you are not alone.

The promise that He made to you, to be with you on your journey,

Was kept and nailed upon a tree, in a place called Calgary.



RMB,OD 03/21/2004
With respect and solidarity for Steven

"...how can a man be born again when he is old?..."

"...that which is born of the flesh is flesh,
and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit.

...The wind blows where it wishes, and you hear the sound of it,
but cannot tell where it comes from and where it goes.

So is everyone who is born of the Spirit."

John 3:4,8

Last posting sounds like SCL. Good on you man!

Actually, HH,
that was SR quoting JC for SCL,

(only in the process, my ABC's got FUBAR,
so I signed off; AKA, unknown.)

You are right though;

may all the good in this forum
and all the good from it
be on for Steven
our friend
amen

Hi Shawn

You were my second guess. I just hoped it was Steven as I am so worried about him. He has been such a strength during my illness and he deserves all the support we can give.

Hey Hey

No Man Is an Island,
Thomas Merton-


To believe in suffering is pride: but to suffer, believing in God, is humility.

For pride may tell us that we are strong enough to suffer,
that suffering is good for us because we are good.

Humility tells us that suffering is an evil which we must always expect to find in our lives
because of the evil that is in ourselves.

But faith also knows
that the mercy of God is given to those who seek Him in suffering,
and that by His grace we can overcome evil with good.

Suffering, then, becomes good by accident,
by the good that it enables us to receive more abundantly
from the mercy of God.

It does not make us good by itself,
but it enables us to make ourselves
better than we are.

Thus, what we consecrate to God in suffering is not our suffering
but our selves.


Steven,
our hopes are with you
S.

Now

So many poems are passing me by
Standing silent and hopeless watching an
Endless parade of ideas which die
As they melt like snowflakes before I can
Gather myself to touch them to taste them
To grasp them grieving I watch and waste them

Four books and all of them filled with the name
Of one who betrayed me for another
How can I endure and live down the shame
Of criminals laughing with each other
About what a stupid old fool I was?

Yet I have to get through this now because
If this is the end of me then their game
Will be made perfect all at the expense
Of my good name lost with myself to blame
Transcendence now my only recompense

I have certainly found who my friends were
And found I had but precious few in fact
My calls for help ignored by him by her
Only the bitter truth remains intact
That which I once was lies in ruins now
My only hope is transcendence somehow

No longer having one for whom to write
I feel no reason to write poetry
Since the brief day of my love turned to night
It no longer matters nor can I see
My star has fallen I have lost the light
I am my own and only company
And yet that love which seemed to burn so bright
Was only a lie and a joke on me

So nothing has changed I am still alone
Just that my aloneness was once unknown
At least to me but now I see no need
For poetry without someone to read
But since my beautiful muse was a lie
Perhaps in my aloneness I should try
To wrestle with reality this way

This might well be the only way to say
What is left here in the burned-out rubble
Of me the pay of life for my trouble
Still I wonder if there is enough left
Of me to glean here in this field bereft
Of hope to harvest among the stubble
Cut by the sharp scythe of reality

I hope to write because I hope to see
Who knows? I might even write better now
Disentangled from the lie somehow
I might more clearly see what is to be
What ultimately will become of me
And of you and of all the rest of us
Behind the worst before the best of us

I made it out alive though I feel dead
Survived the most monstrous madness somehow
I resolve therefore to live in the now
To never look back nor even ahead
I will write new poems for you instead
Of the one who will no longer allow
Herself to love me if ever indeed
She did who at the end refused to read

I will and I must emerge from this night
From then to now with myself and some friends
In now I will trust and now I will write
New poems now because now never ends

+Steven Curtis Lance



Copyright MMV

1. Evaluate situation. (done)
2. Pick up pieces. (done)
3. Move on. (ongoing)

Considering what we know of the situation, things appear to be proceeding in a logical and appropriate fashion. LOVE is only one of the 'inspirations' for a strong poet. In the final analysis, you will recover, persevere and grow - through, because of, and in spite of, this experience.

Solidarity. Strength. Resolve.

Thank you all with all my heart.

I am coming back now, "with a little help from my friends."

Love,

+Stevie

Ubi caritas et amor, Deus ibi est.

So glad that Steven is back. I can now safely unpin this.

Yeah professor of self-pity, what a lovely following you have going there, aye Stephen?
Do you run a cult? Cuz it sure looks that way.

I have a ? for poor little ole Stephen <how can you say Silke never existed, was an internet hoax?, when you spoke to her on the phone, practically everyday for how many years? Two, three? You even had a Wiccan ceremony to profess your love for her, or did you conveniently forget all of that? Yeah, I think you did. And what about all that ugly crap you and Hey or whatever his name is, always said about this Franziska chick? You know? How she is never welcomed back on this site, a lost cause, a freak, or something like that, and how she hurt Silke? (Well, I guess you don't have to worry about that anymore, because none of you can ever hurt her again!). You know Franziska? The one you are writing poems for now (that Silke has only been dead for two months!), about how you want to wake up with her and see her big brown eyes?>
Silke wasn't the internet hoax, you are! And so are all of your pathetic little followers!

+steven is not responsible for the death of silke

Unknown,
Do you have any idea how sad it is that you come here? You are a pathetic human being. Is this how you get your kicks? Do you enjoy this? You sicken me. You are a fantastic example of what is wrong with people today. You are one of those who profess to despise drama but can't help but create it. Gather up what are obviously the broken shards of what you used to call a life and move on. Try to find some meaning in your life other than making pathetic attempts at ruining the lives of others. I have little tolerance for disgusting people such as yourself of late. Unfortunately something tells me that you will be back. How sad... -Ben

No worries Ben, everyone will carry alot of love in their hearts now

sie wird so heiss sein wie nie zuvor, hotter than ever!

I'm going to close this topic now. After unpinning I had hoped that it would drop naturally down the list now that Steven is back safe and well. We have a caring and gracious community here. That could always lead to jealousy and resentment by those who feel excluded, as unknown obviously does. Steven and I have recently tried again to welcome him/her into the band of poetiers. We still hope that will happen. The best luck and health to you all.

Hey Hey