I will make it through tomorrow Options

[Silke Lance]

I will make it through tomorrow


(No critique, please... I mostly wanted to share it with you all. Thanks.)



The days go by, but I see no changes.
What did I do?
Do I deserve the hell I live in? My dreams haunt me...they blend into my reality and I lose all focus. Maybe tomorrow...

The darkness has descended once again. Shadows appear in the corners of my mind and I am fighting to breathe. Should I? Do I dare? Visions of flying, falling, freedom from this world entrance me. Sleep eludes me; taunts me. Where do I go from here?

The song repeats, over and over through my mind...can I escape? I have no energy to run...please can't anyone hear me? My screams go unheard into the night. The tears fall freely onto my pillow as night turns into dawn.

Another day...shall I eat? How much do I weigh? Do I deserve to give in? Stop, oh please God stop the voices...smile; my mask to the world. I laugh hysterically inside...they have no idea! Going on as though everything is fine, while inside I'm being torn apart. I can't live like this...

Models, beautiful, thin, tv, magazines...they're everywhere I turn. Should I look like that? Can I look like that? If I try a little harder, maybe...but they say it's wrong. They say I should love myself for who I am...God, I'm trying so hard...

The air feels heavy today. Clouds have taken the place of sunlight as I sit by the river. Hours have gone by but I feel no desire to move. I've almost made it through another day...was it worth the fight? Why wasn't today the day that I was healed? Why do I still hurt so much?

As dusk falls around me I once again find myself alone. Soft music plays in the background while I write...I can hear the rain on the windows and thunder in the distance. It was so hard today...but I made it. And I know that with the help of God I will make it through tomorrow.

[Dara]

Silke,

This is such a sad post...I feel for your pain and suffering. I am so sorry have this terrible disorder, I am even more sorry that it wont leave you alone. You know, my T always tells me that my ED voice is really the voice of my abusers in disguise. She tells me that when I give into the ED voices I am letting the abusere win, and they are laughing at me when they win...I think that is a great anology she made, and I am almost positive she is right about the ED voice...I have yet to find out a way to fight it though.
What do you think about that? Is that true for you too?

Love,
Dara

[+Steven Curtis Lance]

Silkchen Mausimutti, I love you and I believe in you.

I just wanted to tell you that.

*SKWN*

AMOR VINCIT OMNIA

[Silke Lance]

[Dan]

dara, what does your T believe would be the right attitude to have toward abusers? in my case I judge that abusers have sought to take something from me and that I have the right to condemn them to the full measure of pain that they create or have created until such time that I feel that the debt is repaid. this is a war in the mind, a righteous and necessary war and often not easy or clear. it does not always bring a return to innocence, but the freedom from tyranny makes it worthwhile.