My Darling Options

[Jay]

My Darling

I never really knew you
You were just another friend
But when I got to know you,
I let my heart unbend.
From the first time we met
To the first time we kissed
Every lasting moment,
Is another reason your missed.
From the first time I saw you
I knew that it was true
I only had one hope,
That you would love me too.

Please comment or critique as you please;
- Jay

[pashmina]

your-- should be you're (...just nit picking, hope ya dont mind)

[Unknown]

Ah, the Poetry Critique board. Ok, let me be critical:

1) "I let my heart unbend"? I have never heard of hearts unbending. I know what you're trying to say about opening your heart but you should find a better way of saying it.

2) "Is another reason your missed"? This line has too many syllables and breaks the rhythm of the poem. Maybe change to "Just more reasons you're missed".

3) "From the first time I saw you
I knew that it was true
I only had one hope,
That you would love me too."

*yawns* This is banal, hackneyed, trite. This is the sort of thing I've seen in hundreds of hallmark cards in the store. Be original here. Don't try to put your reader to sleep. Think of some brilliant way of capping off your poem, something that will grab your readers attention, something the reader will remember.