My first time, please comments, Poetry Options

[Alexandrina]

Your scent is nowhere to be found,
But still I linger for it…

The impatience that grows in my wound,
Grows stronger with each day that passes by, with each stolen moments

I long for you, My forbidden fruit
Long for you with each strand of my hair,
Each breath that I take,
Each fiber of my soul…

Will it Be?

Afraid to ask,
Afraid to hope, yet………
This little voice inside of my brighten my spirit with each day that passes by, with each stolen moments
Every hour, Every minute

Will it Be?

My skin still yearns for your touch,
My private praying for your return and
My Soul, …………. My soul……….

My Soul asks for you, commands me to summon your return
Its twin, Its other half, Its Soulmate?.......

Will it Be?

God, Only you can hear my screams, my frustration through my smiles, Trough my words,

Will it Be?

My Soul, my spirit weakens with each day that passes by..
Unable to fulfill this hunger, this thirst
This indescribable feeling, this need….

This need for you?...... or

For your touch, your scent, your sweat, your voice…

Need for You?........ or

At least give me the chance,
The opportunity to belong to you…
Completely, …. If only for a moment….

Do you feel it?
This soft, indiscernible static that pulls us closer to one another…
That tell us, that’s trying to whisper to us…
Showing us with each kiss
Each penetration, Each fornication, each caress
Each…………….It needs to Be!

Will it be?

(it's my fist time sharing with anybody, just want/need some feedback. Thanks!)

[Guest]

On the plus side, it seems very honest and does not come across as affected or overly-dramatic in any way. Overall a very nice poem.

On the minus side, it could be a little bit more lyrical or rhythmical. Also, you prob shouldn't use the word 'fornication' because this seems like a somewhat odd word choice, mainly because of the negative connotations the word has from antiquated sources like the bible. I would suggest using a different word with more positive connotations, maybe like 'sexual union' or something more poetic.

[rosediamond]

Everyone has their own unique style, and yours is very interesting. It makes it stand out. I think it's lovely just the way it is: Honest. In just the way that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, poetry is in the eye of the creator. Keep posting!

[+Steven Curtis Lance]

I agree with rosediamond; I really like it just as it is. Fornication is a good word, and you use it well. It is just too easy and too cheap to be throwing the word "F**K" around all the time; when you said fornication, it even made your critic stop and think, did you notice?

Laughing last is always laughing best. Good poem. Show us some more, and read a few of my sonnets if you have a spare moment now and then.

Welcome among us!

We are in unbreakable solidarity here, all of us always.

AD ASTRA PER ASPERA

[Ben]

Great Peom. I completely identify with everything this poem is saying. I feel the same exact way about someone and have been trying to find a way to tell them. I hope to show them your poem. Would that be alright with you?