 Don't Want To Live, PLEASE READ AND COMMENT |
  |
| DevilPrincess |
 Mar 01, 2004, 12:59 PM
Post
#1
|
|
Newbie  Group: Basic Member Posts: 21 Joined: Feb 28, 2004 Member No.: 1383  |
I'm not looking toward tomorrow If there's no way I can have you Life's just not worth living If there's nothing I can do I'd rather burn in hell Then live without you everyday Lord, not let me live if I can't have him back Is the simple prayer I pray Seeing you with her Brings me so much strife I'm contemplating what I'll do With this big 'ol knife A gun? some wire? maybe some pills? Will take all this pain away I still love you and always will Cursed is my every waking day Sleeping is all I know For I wish that I'll not wake Not having you here with me I know my life's at stake PLEASE COMMENT! THIS IS ONLY THE SECOND POEM I'VE WRITTEN! THANKS! -Heather  |
   |
 
|
| Guest |
Mar 01, 2004, 01:25 PM
Post
#2
|
|
Unregistered |
you're trying too hard to force rhymes. For example, "strife" doesn't work well in the context you've placed it in and it seems the only reason you put it there is because it rhymes with "knife". My advice is to let the poetry flow and don't worry too much about forcing your verse to conform to structure and rhyme.
|
|
|
|
| DevilPrincess |
Mar 01, 2004, 03:13 PM
Post
#3
|
|
Newbie Group: Basic Member Posts: 21 Joined: Feb 28, 2004 Member No.: 1383 |
um...thanks...I think
-Heather |
|
|
|
| rosediamond |
Mar 01, 2004, 03:30 PM
Post
#4
|
 Demi-God Group: Basic Member Posts: 751 Joined: Feb 20, 2004 From: Wonderland Member No.: 1261 |
I'm sure many will relate to this poem on some level, which draws attention. For a second poem, you're on the right track. I'm just mildly disturbed by some of the implications of this verse. So I leave you with a "keep it up" and a hug!
 ~Best Wishes~ Megan |
|
|
|
| lover_with_wingz |
Mar 01, 2004, 03:52 PM
Post
#5
|
|
Overlord Group: Basic Member Posts: 389 Joined: Jan 23, 2003 Member No.: 283 |
Bravo! Very intense and visual! It speaks much to many I am sure!
Hugs and much Luck, Chrissy |
|
|
|
| DevilPrincess |
Mar 02, 2004, 09:37 AM
Post
#6
|
|
Newbie Group: Basic Member Posts: 21 Joined: Feb 28, 2004 Member No.: 1383 |
Thanks megan and chrissy youre comments really mean a lot to me.
-Heather |
|
|
|
| P JayS |
Jun 14, 2012, 09:51 AM
Post
#7
|
|
Demi-God Group: Basic Member Posts: 585 Joined: Apr 04, 2012 Member No.: 34146 |
QUOTE(DevilPrincess @ Mar 02, 2004, 09:37 AM)  Thanks megan and chrissy youre comments really mean a lot to me. -Heather If your poem reveals what you have really thought about doing with yourself then I advise you not to look to tomorrow but keep living in the day. Life is too precious. Please don't quit. Your poetry is inspiring. Perhaps keep investing your feelings in what you write for other people to appreciate to and the satisfaction from dispensing material like this may keep you distracted from your present grief. Good work! Be Happy with these little accomplishments. You could help save someone else's life. Peter |
|
|
|
| -J- |
Aug 07, 2012, 03:21 AM
Post
#8
|
|
Overlord Group: Basic Member Posts: 420 Joined: Apr 28, 2004 From: Mauchline, Ayrshire, Scotland Member No.: 2189 |
Well done, you obviously have a great talent for poetry
Subject matter is irrelevant to the art as long as you are understood This leaves nothing to the imagination, its raw, concise and to the point I would love to see more. Thank you |
|
|
|
|
1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members:
| Lo-Fi Version | Time is now: 23rd May 2013 - 11:41 PM |
Copyright © BrainMeta. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Last Modified Tue Jan 17 2006 12:39 am