 I'm on my own |
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| slowly_dieing |
 Nov 02, 2003, 01:10 AM
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#1
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 Newbie  Group: Basic Member Posts: 1 Joined: Nov 02, 2003 Member No.: 722  |
Do you miss me? OR am I alone?
Do you love me? Or am I in this on my own? You feel so distant, but that could just be me. I'm looking into this way too far, you just dont care. Forgive me if I leave, I'll miss you when i go. I will be gone before you know I'll be rid of all my problems, my troubles, this weight on my chest, and all the pain of this life will be gone with one simple slash. The energy of my wasted life will pour out of my broken body in a surrendering flow. Maybe you'll remeber me when im gone. Just promise to forgive my soul. My body will be gone You'll have no one to hold Just remeber me realize how you were never alone |
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| chaz |
Nov 03, 2003, 08:26 PM
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#2
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Newbie Group: Basic Member Posts: 7 Joined: Nov 03, 2003 Member No.: 727 |
good job
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| rhymer |
Nov 05, 2003, 03:33 PM
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#3
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 Supreme God Group: Global Mod Posts: 2059 Joined: Feb 27, 2003 From: Wigan, UK Member No.: 385 |
Hi slowly_dieing,
I agree, but would suggest that the second verse structure throws the poem off-balance. All valid points therein, but try to split them up and cut if necessary to get 4 lines? All the best Bill. |
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