Hello - I've Really Changed Something in My Brain
Hello - I've Really Changed Something in My Brain
Jan 01, 2017, 06:16 PM
Group: Basic Member
Joined: Jan 01, 2017
Member No.: 38479
To keep things somewhat short, I was very addicted to pornography from around 8th grade (2009) to my freshman year of college (2013/2014). I experienced a lot of anxiety based issues during those times. Fast forward to the fall of 2014 and I discovered something that started to change my life dramatically. It was called NoFap and a light switch went off in my head. The stories I read of girls basically throwing themselves onto guys incorporating NoFap into their lives was mind blowing. I had some great success within the first few months of it.
I started out from a week of self-abstinence to a month to about 2-3 months. I had many bouts of mood changes from March to the summer of 2015. Besides the ups and downs with my mood, I became very interested in the hobby I love, which is music. I started dedicating all my time to recording my own music and what not. The best part about NoFap was how beautiful music started sounding to me. It was incredible at the time. Music was a huge part of my life starting in 6th-7th grade, but the emotions I felt for the first time ever while on NoFap was just amazing.
Summer passed and school came around again. I was attending a college away from home. At that time, I really wanted to start a company that produced music and worked with designs for musicians around the area. October came around and I ended up "damaging" my hearing after standing near very loud speakers that caused my ears to ring for many weeks. I started losing my focus in my classes and started feeling very down around that time. So I ended up leaving school and came back home because at the time I couldn't handle anything.
2016 came around and I started looking into holistic medicines because I was on the verge of taking antidepressants/anxiety meds around January. I found many items to help with improving ones mood and they were working pretty well. All this time, I was continuing with NoFap. Besides continuing NoFap, I had started taking cold showers almost everyday since December of 2014. I really was over-doing the cold showers because I was taking one everyday all the way through the summer of 2016 too.
Here's where things started getting out of hand. I started to make a larger collection of herbs and supplements around February 2016 to "help myself feel better". I had close to 20 different herbs/supplement bottles. I also started drinking coffee almost everyday because it was giving me a good boost in my energy. I was also exercising a good bit through out the time I came home from school around October of 2015. The summer came around and I continued NoFap, Cold showers, Coffee drinking, and the herbs/supplements. I worked at a golf course over the summer and was definitely feeling pretty good then.
Things started getting strange around late July/August that I feel was when I was putting way too much unnecessary stress on my body and brain. Not masturbating and using pornography for long periods of time is basically causing stress on your brain. Sex/reproduction is a crucial part of our lives as human beings. I was continuing NoFap at the time because of the success I had with it back around the end of 2014 and the start of 2015. I wanted to experience the feelings I had then, but it just wasn't like the emotions I felt around 2014/2015.
So I look at it this way. NoFap is essentially stress on the brain. Cold showers are even more stress on the brain. Coffee, has contents that essentially replicate stressful events on the brain. Exercise promotes stress. Exercise is said to help create new brain cells too. Besides those stressors, I was taking items that lower cortisol production, raise testosterone levels, and help with functions of the brain. I was involving a lot of Neurotrophic factors too, which affects the neurons of the brain. BDNF, NT-3, etc. Around late July, I was actually starting to feel great and I was hearing music in a quality that I had not heard before. Even when I was feeling incredible emotions from music around later December of 2014. I was hearing the lows (bass sounds) and highs in such an incredible quality. I can easily say at this point, I should of stopped with NoFap, cold showers, and the large amounts of herbs/supplements I was taking. Coffee was still working great for me at the time.
It wasn't until Early August that I noticed things. Something I shouldn't have understood. I began noticing that my co-workers were working extremely hard. They had been very laid back workers (this was a golf course) and never really pushed themselves in a such a way. I noticed they were acting strange around me too. There was one point where my "boss" became very frustrated while around me, which he was also a very laid back person. The strange acting around of my coworkers and the frustration that my boss had one day made me very curious and I shouldn't have chased that curiosity. There was a younger woman who worked at the course and she started doing very flirtatious things at this time and I was so caught up in my own endeavors that I didn't even try to flirt back.
My brain at the time wasn't interested at all in flirting back, but it was only stupidly intrigued by what NoFap and everything else was doing for me. It's like it was only caring about the power I was feeling while interacting with people. I had always been so called an "introvert" and felt that people never understood me because of the anxiety issues I had to face ever since 8th grade. As August moved on, the only thing my brain was interested in was how people were acting around me. I can definitely say my brain started to realize something at this time. It's why I should of stopped everything I was doing in late July.
It was around mid-August that things really began to change. Coffee stopped giving me a boost or improved my mood. I was only having one cup a day. I noticed that when I drank coffee, it made me feel worse and my heart would feel strange (nothing close to feeling jittery, but almost like I was only feeling stress from the coffee. I had to stop taking a cold shower everyday around this time because I just wasn't feeling the mood boosting affects anymore. It was making me feel worse. I was still taking most of my supplements/herbs at the time still.
It was around late August that my brain almost lost its sense of fear. Not that I became very outgoing, but anyone I would talk to, I would feel this strange tension and felt almost too much power over them. I started to lose my motivation, which I believe has to do with the lost sense of fear I had around people. I started to become fearful of people noticing my own thoughts. Not in a physiological where like a schizophrenic, but it was at this point where I started experiencing very strange social interactions. We are motivated by fear and this was not an anxiety type of fear I lost. I had very strong confidence around July that made me feel amazing, plus music was sounding surreal too.
It was around this time that my brain was only focusing on how people were acting around me and had nothing involving my own self actions. There was a point in time where my emotions became very messed up. I had many times that I just started crying out of nowhere because "I couldn't deal with people anymore", although I was able to work hard and speak to people with little effort, and feel good about what I was doing in July. As September came around, I started taking two classes at a college nearby my house. It was around this time that my brain was sensing weird things. I was getting incredibly stressed out from just being in my classes and I could barely interact with anyone. When I would hang with my friends, they were also acting a bit strange around me. Plus at the time my brain was still so fascinated by the power I was feeling.
I had always felt like people were living such better lives than me. Even though I was living a great life at the time and was too dumb enough to realize it. There was one day in particular that I started noticing the way people interacted with one another. I had no idea what it was, but I could sense it. All I knew was I had something that caused people to become afraid of me or became very well-mannered around me. It wasn't like "oh I'm talking to this person and they are saying some interesting things". It was more like I was seeing through it all.
My brain didn't care at all about the subjects talked about with another person. It was feeling this third sense that was giving me unneeded stress. There was a day in late August that I went golfing with my father. I was feeling terrible that day and had zero understanding of why I was. I was still doing NoFap, taking all my herbs/supplements, and I believe still taking cold showers. There a time during that day where my dad had to speak another group of golfers because he had hit his ball around there location. There was something between the interaction that gave me a devilish smile, but I had no idea what it was.
Fast forward to later that night. I had started actively consuming a product called "Turmeric". Since around April, I would put a spoonful of the spice in a cup with water in the morning and at night. That night when I had the non-delicious drink, something changed. My heart beating became strange and I felt very weird. Turmeric has almost the same effect and more on the brain as an antidepressant, but it's 1000% safer. From that night on, I never felt the same. Music never touched me like it always had. It's like my brain started processing my environment in a totally different way. I began losing all the motivations I had. I lost my libido and desire to hangout with my friends. My brain at the time was fixated on how people were interacting with one another or how they were acting when speaking to me. I was also becoming very nervous just looking at people or hearing them speak.
The biggest change that's happened is how my brain hears music now. The best way to describe it to picture a microphone in front of someone singing or against an amplifier with someone playing guitar/bass. I literally hear the sound like I'm that microphone picking up the instrument/person singing. I used to hear the highs and low of songs in such an incredible quality that gave me goosebumps and strengthened my love for music. I feel like I'm experiencing everyday life now like I have autism. I'm extremely sensitive now to anything.
My belief is I've created too many connections to the executive portion of my brain, the Pre-frontal Cortex. I feel like I've completely lost my sense of fear/emotional memories or what motivated me to go out to places. I can't exercise anymore because I've lost the strength I used to have. I don't feel anything from self pleasure (this isn't anhedonia). No one seems to understand that I can't exercise anymore because I barely have strength to do it and I also don't feel the euphoric feeling anymore after. I believe something has happened between my Pre-frontal cortex, amygdala, and hippocampus. Probably even more regions. I haven't been given any explanation why I can't exercise anymore or feel anything from it.
The change with how I hear music now shows something has really changed in my brain. I also see everyone differently. I don't fear anyone anymore. I only fear that someone will notice the way my brain thinks now, which is part of the strong sensitivity I have towards every human being. My memory is also acting very strange too. There are times when random memories from the past pop up in my head, but there's nothing emotionally attached to it anymore. Which I believe has to do with the fear I've lost. My brain is so incredibly logical now and has only been getting worse.
Let me know what you guys think. There's a lot more to what's going on, but I'm not going to write it down until I get some opinions.
|Lo-Fi Version||Time is now: 26th March 2017 - 08:46 PM|