Why do they keep hurting me? Options

[Becky]

Years ago, there was a disagreement between my parents and my grandmother and uncle (Dad's family).  I guess it was so bad, that they didn't speak for many years - and quite possibly still don't, at least to my uncle.  They continued with their obligations to my grandmother.  I was told lies by my parents about both my grandmother and my uncle and was kept away from these "evil people."

Just this past year, I have mended the relationship with my grandmother and my uncle and have seen some more of the true colors of my parents.  Of course, my parents know this and are unhappy that I have this extended family again in my life.

My grandmother has been ill for many years and has been slowly and gradually getting worse.   She will be 89 years old this year and has lived a long life.  She was admitted to the hospital at the end of last week due to some complications she has been battling for nearly two years.

Do you think my parents would tell me this?  You would think.  I found out about my grandmother's condition from my uncle.  My parents have always been preoccupied with the outward appearance of our family.  Everyone thinks we are the epitome of the American family - the American dream.  Well, not only is my family so disfunctional, but now they have made themselves look awful.  It surprises me, really.  Usually, they will cut their nose to spite their face.

For example, another uncle of mine passed away suddenly last month.  My parents have not talked to me since October.  But, they swallowed their pride to call and tell me, so that they would look good. "Well, we called her.  We did our duty."  And again, I haven't heard another word from them.

So, it surprises me that they wouldn't tell me about my grandmother.  And it hurts.  A lot.  I feel like I have rediscovered my grandmother and uncle after nearly 15 years.  I have missed a lot of time with them.  And now, my grandmother is ill.  And my parents are still trying to keep me away even though they have been to visit her and mended some of the past.  

I actually have a half a mind to call them this evening.  I want an answer as to why they haven't told me.  But, the other half of my mind reminds me that everytime I do talk to them, the daggers are driven deeper and deeper.  Everything is turned to be my fault and I end up having a breakdown from the abuse.  I am better off with them out of my life.  I guess I just need to rely on the network I have created for myself and forget about my abusers.

Much love,
Becky

[Christine]

Just thought I would add a little something to this thread...I have not spoken or seen my Family (Mother, Step Father, Sister and 2 brothers in almost 12 years..I did press charges against my abusers (Mom,Step Father) so that pretty much closed the door on any relationship we would have had....some one asked if it ever gets easer...YES it does, I will n ot lie, it was so painful for the first couple of years, but I know in my heart that this is the best things for me..they are Toxic and I would not be able to heal, if I were still around that abuse.....Don't get me wrong, there is not a day that doesn't go by that I don't think about my Mom, and wish I could have a relationship with her..BUT it's not the realtionship that I had, that I want..What I want is something I never had, a Mother that would love and protect me...!

Don't give up..It's not the Trust you know, but the truth you LIVE that sets you free.