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> Understanding my Brain Capacity
adsamado
post Mar 13, 2012, 05:22 PM
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Hello guys, first of all let me just apologize for my poor English as i am not a native English speaker.

I'm a 33 years old engineer, and all my life i've struggled with my capacities. I mean, since i was very young, i never failled school although i was not a brilliant student, but i always though that this was related to my lack of work and commitment to towards school.

Year's passed, and stuff become more and more difficult, at the point that in the university i started to fail some courses. My colleges where much smarter or intelligent than me (or at least they seemed to be), and when i was with them i was always feeling kind of inferior, since they were understanding all the lectures in a much more faster pace than me. I was kind of shy to recognize that to them, and actually i was saying that i was understanding everything and i wasn't. In that time i was thinking to myself that this was due to my lack of previous knowledge, that my colleges had acquired due to their commitment during all their student life.

I managed to finish the university, but mainly because of my other skills like getting things done no matter what (yes, even if it means copy in a exam).

As i passed years thinking about all this, and how some people are much more intelligent than others, i become very aware of this issue.

Yes, i understand that some people are smarter than other only due to genetic factors, i accept that and i know that there isn't much i can do, but what concerns me the most, is that i'm in fact so aware of that, that i can recognize patterns, and able to quickly identify my flaws and other's people strengths.

I'm basically entering in a loop, where the most normal daily activity like watching a movie become an exercise of my deficits (eg. while seeing a movie with a friend, he quicky cracked some characters conversation, and i thought to myself "the guy was quick, i come i didn't thought about it?), but than i think if that was only due to the lack of brain power, of due to brain laziness.

I'm taking now an MBA, and recently changed jobs, and both activities are quite demanding. I'm now a person which is fully committed to both, and brain exercise is something that i do almost 24h a day. Nevertheless i found that my cognitive skills are much lower then my mba colleges, and that i found somehow difficult to understand some things at work.

Spending most of the last days thinking about this, makes me a bit depress to a point that i've entered in a loop of not believing in myself!

Some weeks ago i've tried concerta (ritalin cousin), started with 18mg and ended with 72mg a day and i didn't notice nothing. Complety the same, except for that fact that i was feeling my teethes ranging against each other, but didn't noticed more focus, concentrations or any other mental abilities.

What do you guys think about this? Should i just live conformed with this? Is there something a person can do? Is maybe something conditioning my brain capacity like the fear of failing?

I would really appreciate if i could have some enlightenment from you guys. What's your experience?

Best,
Carlu

I really don't know if my post will fit in this forum, but actually i didn't find much relevant information or forum in the Internet, so if you think that i'm somehow stepping the line, i would appreciate if you can point me out the right place to talk about this.
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