How can a young person become a hero/ine? Options

[coberst]

How can a young person become a hero/ine?

“Not in that he leaves something behind him, but in that he works and enjoys and stirs others to work and enjoyment, does man’s importance lie.” Goethe

A hero (heroine in female), “in Greek mythology and folklore, was originally a demigod, their cult being one of the most distinctive features of ancient Greek religion. Later, hero (male) and heroine (female) came to refer to characters who, in the face of danger and adversity or from a position of weakness, display courage and the will for self sacrifice – that is, heroism – for some greater good, originally of martial courage or excellence but extended to more general moral excellence.”—Quickie from Wiki [with minor modification].

My parents accomplished a heroic task that is often not available to today’s young people because many young people start out with so much more to begin with. It seems to me that in a more comfortable standard of living (America) available today that people so fortunate must develop other means for heroic action. However, we are rapidly approaching a time that may change this situation dramatically and thus challenge the new generation greatly on a more basic level of needs.

I was born in 1934 during the Great Depression. Dad drove a city bus in Amarillo Texas. My family moved to a very small town in Oklahoma before my first birthday; I had four siblings at the time we moved from Texas to Oklahoma to manage a small café and hotel that was then being managed by my uncle who wished to return to farming.

During the next 15 years my family managed that café and hotel. This operation allowed my parents to raise a large family in reasonably comfortable conditions throughout the depression and war years of World War II.

The psychologist Alfred Adler said: “The supreme law [of life] is this: the sense of worth of the self shall not be allowed to be diminished.”

For humanity, and especially for young people, this “supreme law” presents a paradox.

“The key to the creative type is that he is separated out of the common pool of shared meaning”. The creative type finds that for some reason, perhaps it is an unconscious reason, the world as others see it presents a problem. When the creative type perceives the collective solution to the problem is inadequate s/he attempts to fashion an individual solution. In doing so the creative type becomes “a painfully separate person with nothing shared to lean on.”

I claim that our (American) culture is anti-intellectual consumerism. It is anti-intellectual in that any intellectual energy expended on non-money making ventures is considered as a foolish waste of time and energy. Our culture discourages the egg-head, the pointed-head intellectual, and the wonk. Why else would it have such labels?

I claim that the young person can solve this paradox by developing a dual personality. S/he can learn to lead two lives. One life is shown to his or her peers under normal situations and the other life becomes a self-actualizing self-learning experience that is shared only with those few like-minded peers or perhaps adults who are capable of appreciating the distinction.

[astroidea]

I claim that the young person can solve this paradox by developing a dual personality. S/he can learn to lead two lives. One life is shown to his or her peers under normal situations and the other life becomes a self-actualizing self-learning experience that is shared only with those few like-minded peers or perhaps adults who are capable of appreciating the distinction.

You have any ideas how one could learn to lead these two lives? Who do you determine to be like-minded if you don't show your true self to them?
How do you force yourself to try to be normal but not be awkward about it?
I've been trying to be normal around most people, and it's only been causing me social dissociation and awkwardness.

[maximus242]

I disagree completely. A man can lead but one true life. If you are afraid that others will reject you for who you are or who you want to become, then you are not tempered enough to be a hero.

A hero is someone who stands up, who is unafraid, who is a leader, he or she does not need to lead false lives. They live life on their own terms regardless of what society may say.

Look at the great heros of history. Ghandi, William Wallace, Joan of Arc, Archilles, all of them lead but one life, true to their purpose to their deepest core. None of them pretended to be someone else, in fact it was because they were so true to themselves that they were thrust into this position of heriosm in the first place.

And it is also false that society is anti-intellectual. Many of the wealthiest people I have ever met are deeply versed in non-money making intellectual activities. Look at the owners of google, look at bill gates, they are both heavy computer lovers and understand everything from quantum science to computer programming.

Intellect is rewarded with wealth not punished. Its just some people are smart in science and stupid in money where as others are smart in science and smart in money.

[coberst]

I claim that the young person can solve this paradox by developing a dual personality. S/he can learn to lead two lives. One life is shown to his or her peers under normal situations and the other life becomes a self-actualizing self-learning experience that is shared only with those few like-minded peers or perhaps adults who are capable of appreciating the distinction.

You have any ideas how one could learn to lead these two lives? Who do you determine to be like-minded if you don't show your true self to them?
How do you force yourself to try to be normal but not be awkward about it?
I've been trying to be normal around most people, and it's only been causing me social dissociation and awkwardness.

I did it and it worked for me. I sugest that if you bigin an effort to read history and biographies about events and people that interest you that you can slowly develop the self-confidence to discover who you are and how to live in a complex world without closely following the herd.

[astroidea]

I have done that actually, before I tried to fit in. It really helped me build a backbone and gave me the confidence to do just about anything. Discovering MBTI and how people differ had a huge impact on me too. It made me feel good about being different and unconventional. I made quite a few friends when I was very confident about myself. I liked to be non-conventional in my ways and felt like the way most people did things seemed to lack any thought and was done just to be part of the norm(especially being asian where most of my peers just focused on school to get a practical well paying job). But I kept trying to improve my relations with people, and I began to preceive myself as self centered and self-serving to my ego. I started to want to boost other people's egos and confidence, and look at others more positively.
One quote that I heard that drove me to change was "You can make more friends in a day by getting interested in others than a month of trying to get others interested in you." - Dale Carnegie
I tried to get interested in others, but frankly, that just made me annoying as F**K. No one likes someone that asks a lot of questions.
I also didn't want to share something unless I knew that they shared the same interest, nor did I want to give my point of view unless they were like-minded. I became very agreeable, which seemed to have gotten annoying too.

So to sum it up, reading history and biographies about people and events that interest me freed me to be myself and appreciate myself. But that made me diverge from the norm, and I felt like I needed to be more normal under most situations.

Well I'm glad it worked out for you, but I wish it worked out for me too. I also smoked quite a bit of weed during that period which I think contributed to a lot of the paranoia/delusional thinking. I first preceived a lot of the self-critical thoughts to be insights to self improvement. But it only made things worse.

[coberst]

Well I'm glad it worked out for you, but I wish it worked out for me too. I also smoked quite a bit of weed during that period which I think contributed to a lot of the paranoia/delusional thinking. I first preceived a lot of the self-critical thoughts to be insights to self improvement. But it only made things worse.

You might want to read Critical Thinking: Tools for Taking Charge of Your Professional and Personal Life by Paul and Elder

[code buttons]

Well I'm glad it worked out for you, but I wish it worked out for me too. I also smoked quite a bit of weed during that period which I think contributed to a lot of the paranoia/delusional thinking. I first preceived a lot of the self-critical thoughts to be insights to self improvement. But it only made things worse.

You might want to read Critical Thinking: Tools for Taking Charge of Your Professional and Personal Life by Paul and Elder

Drawing knowledge from personal experience, I agree with Cobert's article; sort of. While I don't claim to be some kind of hero for humanity, I do appreciate the little amount of extra intellect and self-awareness I seem to have been dabbed with. And this, for a long time in my yourger years, learned to become a sorcial thorn on my side; to the point where I was becoming more and more isolated from my peers and friends with time. It wasn't untill I made a conscious effort to develope a coping mechanism that I started to fit in. It seems that society doesn't have time for nonconformists or overly intelectuals in the making, the way I se it. You are discouraged from this behavior, if you want to be part of the herd. But they welcome you with open arms, once you've proven your point; although, many times, this comes after you are long gone to appreciate their welcome.
Astroidea, I'm sorry your fit-in plan fell so flat. I empathise (actually sympathise) with you. And I wish I could say something to you that may help you. Except, you must'n stop looking for ways to cope and fit-in. Your social isolation will not go away otherwise, but it will probably get worse. Unless you want to be labeled a freak ( a common denominator amongst our social heroes, by the way) you just have to keep trying. Read the book that Coberst suggest, for starters. Good luck.

[maximus242]

To me I disagree, I have always been myself and never had any problems. If someone doesnt like me I dont really care. I do not need them to determine my worth as a human being. I alone determine that and I say I am great the way I am and always wanting to become better.

I think pretending to be someone else is shooting yourself in the foot. Fear is a poison for the mind.

Also the Dale Carnegie thing does work, ive done it naturally for all my life. Its not about asking a bunch of questions, its about talking to people about things they are interested in and emotionally passionate about.

Everyone likes to talk about their dreams, their hopes, what they want to do in life, where they want to go, their travels, their stories. People love to tell you about themselves and most people never listen.

Its not about asking a million questions, its just about finding out what someone else is interested in and then talking with them about their interests and passions in life.

And you know what, its actually very fascinating and you will hear some great stories and learn things you never knew before. You have to be geniunely interested in the other person, you cant just fake it. I just actually enjoy learning about other people, I find it fascinating. Most people are very interesting once you get to know them. I love personally to talk about travel because I love traveling and almost everybody on the planet has somewhat of a desire to travel.

I can keep a conversation going for hours just by asking questions. Usually I talk to people about things both of us are interested in and then I really am interested in what they have to say, so I ask them lots of questions on details and really enjoy listening. I talked to one guy for a good half an hour I never met before and had virtually nothing in common with. We were worlds apart at first yet we had a fascinating conversation on traveling, sports and mountain climbing. Yet at first I would have thought this guy was a complete idiot he is actually pretty interesting and has had many cool adventures.

Thats what its about, not trying to figure out everything someone is interested in but in finding common ground and focusing on those things with the people you interact with. Everyone can relate to anyone in some way, find it and let that be the glue that bonds your friendship.

And you may not believe this but one very unknown secret is that the people who are most angry, most miserable, most hostile, are secretly very desperate for someone to just be nice to them. They are in so much pain that they put up these great barriers to protect themselves. If you just understand that at the core, people are people. We have all suffered, we have all loved, all hated, all felt joy and sadness, we are all connected. We have all overcome hardship and doubt and pain. We have all felt embarrassed and nervous. We are the same.

They are your brothers and sisters, not strangers from a far away land but people just like you. Maybe at first they seem a lot different, but once you get past the surface you will find they are just like you in many ways.

Self criticism alone can be harmful. Instead try thinking, What did I do well? What would I like to do differently?

This changes things from making it all about you and being your fault personally. Instead its just something you would like to do differently, not that the current way is terrible or evil, just that you would like to change the way you do something.

You might want to get Unleash the Giant Within by Anthony Robbins

[code buttons]

To me I disagree, I have always been myself and never had any problems. If someone doesnt like me I dont really care. I do not need them to determine my worth as a human being. I alone determine that and I say I am great the way I am and always wanting to become better.

I think pretending to be someone else is shooting yourself in the foot. Fear is a poison for the mind.

There you had me thinking you were Tony Robins disguised as Max! LOL! Well, I can only talk from my own experience, and that's how it is.